Aim Carefully, Cupid

(This has been submitted to a local publication)

Valentine’s Day is a celebration of romantic love, but this year I am hijacking it for my Mom. More specifically, I intend to persuade Cupid to send off some well-aimed arrows.

Bernice has just turned 84. Married to Frank for 61 years, he left her embrace four years ago at age 88. The bright glow of her amazing soul has dimmed, yet she abides each day with curmudgeonly grace and humor.

Mom resides in a nursing facility that is one of the best, but flatly refuses to call it home. Seven years later, I can’t say as I blame her. Walking through the door sucks the life right out of me. It’s the bald truth, distasteful as it sounds.

Overextended, jaded staff aplenty, with a few amazing exceptions bobbing to the top of the tub. I remain thankful that my large family resides locally to watchdog her treatment, having moved out of state many years ago.

After my Dad’s death, I vowed that I would telephone Mom daily. I have kept that promise although it is increasingly difficult to contact her. No, Bernice has not become a busy socialite, but is forgetting basic tasks. Using the phone, TV and tape player have become major challenges.

Emergency open-heart surgery left Bernice with a pronounced weakness in her legs that has deteriorated over the years leaving her wheelchair bound. Complete dependency is a difficult role for my feisty, independent mother. She now requires an alarm on her chairs and bed to alert staff of her persistent efforts to walk, often forgetting she cannot.

Elder care is a challenge for all. After twenty years of working with kids, I have extreme empathy for caregivers while holding a stern resolve that one should only enter the fray if they can be kind as well as efficient. Burnout is a fact that more people need to recognize and address.

Here is my heartfelt advice: Only work with the elderly if it brings you joy. The crotchety, unhappy people in the homes need boundless love and understanding, not curt handling. If it is no more than a source of income, you will be looking at them through a lens colored with impatience rather than one magnified by respect.

Therefore, on this day of love I am enlisting the help of Cupid to send out darts of empathy and caring to those whose sight has dimmed. My fervent hope is that an arrow or two lands on the posteriors of people working with Bernice.